I was in a very bleak place when I wrote this song: constantly trying to remind myself that I needed to keep trying. Watching birds and reading about their struggles to find safe harbor while migrating or crossing over-developed stretches of land felt inspirational. I naturally wanted to cheer them on, even as I was giving up on myself.

This was year five or six on my journey to figure out what was going on with my body. Was it lymes? Lupus? Mixed Connective Tissue Disease? Sjogren's syndrome? Was this a result of a tick I had missed? Over-exposure to ag-chemicals? Too much stress?...

Moreover: could I do something to improve the situation or was it out of my hands? Was I suffering from anxiety because something was truly biochemically wrong with me? Or did the anxiety come first?...

I grew up in a stubborn, hard-working, tough-love family and I didn't know how to ask for help with these questions. When I did, I often met stubborn, tough-love medical practitioners who didn't have helpful answers or time to delve into them. My closest friends were concerned but, it was confusing, because, on the outside, I looked totally fine.

A long while later, after a challenging birthing and recovery experience, a doctor realized that, even though I looked relatively healthy on the outside, I probably had over-lapping autoimmune syndromes. We ran some more tests. She put me on medication that started to help. I realized I wasn't losing my mind. I sang this song over and over again to my, then baby, as I walked around my home...hoping that I could just get through this phase. Hoping that I would eventually feel less anxious and more motivated... like the peppy go-getter I used to be.

Do birds ever have "feelings" like this? When they are trying to find enough caterpillars for their babies? Or struggling to find a green stretch of land? I don't know. What I do know is that our limited human senses can't fully grasp bird-sense. The more time I spend whistling with birds or observing birds, the more I respect that they, like us, have parameters that feel healthy and parameters that feel discombobulating and scary. They warn each other of threats. They avoid areas that are not familiar or welcoming. They get chronically ill.

I am not going through that bleak time anymore, but flare-ups still bring me down on occasion. I carry this song with me as a reminder that I need to keep trying. That it's important to ask for help and not give up on oneself, even when everyone else is writing your concerns off: whether this be concerns for one's own health or concerns for our larger ecosystems. Here's to wishing everyone else the same. - L